One of my close friends and I were talking in my car after I picked her up from LAX International Airport. We started getting on the conversation about how to combat loneliness. Both of us being single women in our 20's, we often find ourselves in the solitude of our own perspective homes. I live alone, and she has a roommate that is never there. With COVID-19 in full swing still, months have passed where I have gone days without talking to someone. That leaves a lot of time to reflect on yourself and learn more about who you are, whether it is the good, the bad, or the ugly. Some people are not comfortable with this much alone time and search to be around others. Some other people thrive in it. It depends on your personal experiences, time, and being okay with relying on yourself.
I started this blog because I love to travel. I love the feeling it fills my soul. With that said, I named it Solivagantsarah because the definition of solivagant is a lone wanderer. I find myself traveling and exploring new cities, countries, and places within the area I am often alone. I realize these opportunities are a privilege to me and that many of my friends cannot afford to fly to Asia or Europe or travel within the United States. My family does not have the luxury of stopping their lives for weeks and traveling with me on my schedule. So, I travel alone.
I would be lying if I said traveling alone is ideal. Emotionally or physically. It is always nice to have someone else experience a trip with you, but there are times where you want to do things and not worry about anyone else. Emotionally, especially in a foreign country, it is nice to have that extra person there just for support. You have so many new things thrown at you at once that it can be overwhelming. I remember traveling to Europe alone for the first time. I was flying into Milan, Italy, and I was 22, straight out of college, and noticed everyone on the plane was speaking Italian. A language I didn't know, and I remember just sinking into the airline seat intimidated and frankly scared. I had no idea what would be waiting for me over in Italy. I was an inexperienced traveler and quite naive. I remember thinking to myself, I wish a friend were here with me, or my sister, or even a boyfriend (who didn't exist LOL). I just wanted someone else with me at that moment.
Whenever I tell people I spent about two weeks traveling Italy by myself, they look at me with admiration. I never could and still can't understand this. Maybe it has to do with how my life has played out. Ever since high school, I have only been able to depend on myself. Not because no one was there for me, I had a lot of people around me, but mostly because I spent my younger years always co-dependent on someone, and I was sick of it. I wanted to be and finally feel like the independent woman my parents raised me to be. That was not an easy task. I had some ups and downs, but once I felt like I was making my own decisions to better my life, I knew I could do anything. Those decisions were so much more challenging than traveling by yourself. That is why I don't understand why people look at me with admiration when it comes to traveling alone. Yes, I am faced with fears, hardships, and challenges when traveling, but it's all temporary. Also, isn't traveling supposed to be fun? Why travel if you don't enjoy it? That's a lot of money to spend! Should I not enjoy a trip because no one else could come with me? No. Go on that trip, do, and see what you want to do! You do not have to report to anyone else.
The advantages of traveling alone can be quite rewarding. You no longer have to worry about someone else's needs or desires to see something you aren't interested in. You get to have all the control and the ability to do what you want. When I travel, I like to live in an area like I am local. I get an Airbnb and walk almost everywhere. I usually can walk anywhere between 20,000 - 25,000 steps a day because I am always moving. I am trying to see as much as I can in the limited time that I have. I can't do this with someone who likes vacations that are more relaxing and have a chill vibe. I don't enjoy sunbathing on the beach, but those jet-skis over in the water intrigue me. Now, when I travel with someone, I do compromise. I always try to integrate what others want to do also. I also have fun while participating in their interests. I thrive off other people's energy, so if they are enjoying themselves, so am I.
So, when does the loneliness hit me? When traveling, the loneliness comes on full force when I am eating meals. It is when I am sitting at a restaurant alone, staring at my phone, waiting for my food to come to my table where I feel the most torment. Where I grew up in Vermont, it is not common to eat alone ever. I am realizing, now that I live in a city, it is more common than I thought. That helps me overcome the anxiety of eating alone while traveling. Watching all the families, lovers, and friends eat together and laugh while you are at a table in the corner of the restaurant can be a bit disheartening. It's within that moment where you wish you had someone to talk to or smile with. That time is when my heart feels heavy.
A lot of people have this misconception that traveling alone, especially as a woman, is dangerous. I always tell people it is a combination of being aware and using your common sense. Just like in the area where I live, I would not be walking the streets at night alone or being careless about areas within the city. It is like that anywhere. It is all about being smart while planning, but also while you are in the environment. Being alone can affect where you go and experience within a city or a new place. You won't find me in the club in the middle of Italy alone, but throw in a few friends, and I am sure we would have had more experiences like that.
To combat the loneliness, I like to take photography of the environment around me. I attempt to capture the beauty that I am experiencing at that moment. If you follow @solivagantsarah on Instagram, you can see I started that page long before this blog. If you scroll back to my first posts, you will quickly see that no person, including myself, is the main focal point. Many of the photos are focused on environments only. Architecture, nature, interesting lighting, anything that would capture my eye. I started to feel as if my Instagram was unipersonal. I only have begun to incorporate myself in the pictures recently, and I did this because I want people to feel like they are going on this journey with me. It is my way to combat the loneliness while traveling a little bit more than I was with the landscape photos.
Do I feel like I miss out on some experiences because I am alone? Of course, I do. When I am alone, the whole nightlife aspect of a new place is not an option. I become envious of those travelers who always seem to have someone available to grab a drink with or explore the night. My experiences in these places different than what I would desire them to be because I have to think of my safety first. When it all comes down to the end of the day, your security is more important than fun.
Overall, I do enjoy the benefits of traveling alone. I can spend as much time as I want in a specific place, I get to go where I want, and I don't need to worry about anyone else's needs. I can solely focus on myself and learn more about myself. Traveling alone has made me a lot more independent also. Before traveling, I would depend on others to know directions and told my "sense of direction was terrible." Well, I sure proved them wrong because I can now navigate in almost any city and be okay overall, even if the native language isn't English. I have been able to make myself more confident while learning to depend on myself. Not many can say that they have accomplished that yet. I credit travel as being the reason why I was able to. Even though I still get lonely at times on my trips, I have found ways to accept the loneliness for what it is, a specific moment that will pass. I do not regret any decisions I have made about traveling and exploring on my own, and I even am planning my next solo trip. Someday I hope people will be able to find comfort within themselves to know that being alone is pretty alright. It can be even quite empowering.
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