It has been about six months since Covid-19 changed everything that we knew in the United States. For other parts of the world, that have been even longer. With 2020 being the year that changed everything, having only four months left of the year feels surreal. So many lives have been affected in so many ways. For myself, it has made me reflect on my life and these moments that I call "euphoric moments." These specific moments are times in my life where I am living in the present, and all fears and insecurities slip away from me. It is almost like experiencing an out of body experience. I associate these moments with certain songs, places, times, and even smells. It allows me to be transported back into my memories and experience the moment all over again.
So, why am I bringing this up now? I believe people can get stuck in the media of their lives and not allow themselves to feel the pleasure and sincerity of, as people say, living in the moment. I used to be one of those people. I was always watching what I did, what I said, how I dressed, who I interacted with, and it even affected what my path in life was. Due to always trying to please another person, I lost the most important thing. Who I was.
I have had many challenges to overcome mentally in my life. Many of which were manifested due to myself and are very personal to me. These euphoric moments I have been able to experience have helped me find my passions, love, a like-minded community, and a sense of self. This independence to break away from the status quo took years of struggling within myself and being brutally honest. I owe a large portion of my success in this aspect to traveling alone.
Some people have never heard of the word solivagant. When I discovered it, I was in high school prepping for the SAT. It had been one of the infamous vocabulary words that are mostly only used on the exam, and you haven't heard them much in the outside world. The official definition is: "A solivagant is a solitary wanderer. A person who revels in the act of wandering alone–preferably in destinations and locations they have not previously visited."
When I chose Solivagant Sarah as my name for this blog, nothing could have fit my personality better. I was known for traveling and exploring alone, and I loved discovering new destinations. Whether that was traveling to different countries or traveling just down the road to a new city or town, my friends knew I was the person to ask about hidden destinations or travel experiences.
Many people can't be alone with themselves. A lot of my friends and family commend my "bravery" for being able to do so. To be honest, I do not see it as brave. I see it as my therapy. Being alone in a new place has allowed me to do a lot of self-reflection and thinking. You do not have any other distractions or anyone else with you, but your thoughts. I have laughed, cried, and even talked by myself; none of which I regret in any way.
When I first experienced a euphoric moment, I was alone in the middle of the busy city of Hong Kong. I was 21 and was still learning how to use the transportation systems all by myself. I do not speak another language other than English, so the Cantonese signs all around me frightened me and made me feel insecure. The busy environment also was overwhelming. Everyone moved fast, bumped into you, and they just wanted to get to their destination. This atmosphere was a lot different than the state of Vermont, where I grew up, or Savannah, Georgia, where I attended my art school. That was all new to me. I remember the smells of the street food and the sun beating down on my skin. My theft proof backpack clinging onto the sweat on the back, as I looked around frantically for the metro station. I did not have an international phone plan so, I couldn't access a GPS. I was lost. I sat down on a bench somewhere in the Yau Tsim Mong District, to be more specific, somewhere in Tsim Sha Tsui. Anxiety crept into my bones, and I started to tear up. After a few moments, I gained my composure and looked up. I saw a woman and her child skipping through the streets together. I saw families laughing and teasing one another. The smell of the street food, egg tarts, filled my nose. I breathed deeper and put on my headphones. I played the song, Scared to be Lonely, by Martin Garrix and Dua Lipa. That is when it happened. The moment that changed everything, and I smiled. I was calm, and a sensation of peace and acceptance washed over me. It was okay that I was lost. I would be able to find my way back eventually. The moment of serenity within myself had happened in a place that was loud, overwhelming, and confusing. Instead of being angry or scared, I accepted myself for being lost and out of control. I sat there for a few moments longer, watching people, and not allowing this moment to slip away from me. It was my first moment of clarity I was able to have in my life. It was also one of the first steps to finding what I was passionate about.
As I continued to stay in Hong Kong, I had more euphoric moments that helped me experience life in a new way. One I had at the 10,000 Buddhas Monastery (which I wrote about here). I felt the feelings of peace and serenity within a place of worship. I had been watching others worship and could feel the peace and faith radiating from them. Another I had felt while spending a night out dancing in Lan Kwai Fong or also known as LKF. That night the feelings within me were different than a sense of serenity. The feeling that time was a blissfulness within the moment. A moment of feeling free when you are alive. Where your body is so energized, with adrenaline and fun that everything else doesn't matter. You are living in the moment. People, including myself, try to capture that moment in photos or videos, but it is never quite right. At that specific moment, I felt free for the first time in my life. All of my insecurities vanished. It didn't matter to me how much I was sweating, or how my dancing looked to others. I had never felt like that before in my life. I had pure, enthusiastic joy.
Every moment I have in time where I feel like it classifies to my definition of a euphoric moment, I try to write down the feelings, environment, and actions I had experienced. I then try to incorporate those moments into my day-to-day in small ways. That is a never-ending goal to experience life in the best way. When I am sitting at my desk working my 9-to-5, I always think back to those moments I have enjoyed, and I start conversations with others I would have been too shy too. I try to make my life exciting in the best way while continuing my work on myself.
I found my passion for traveling due to my euphoric moments. Most of them happen while I am exploring a new part of the world. It is almost like an adrenaline drug to me. I need it to keep functioning in life. Without those moments, I am afraid of what my life would have become. I feel like they have made me a much better, understanding, patient human. Not everyone's passion has to be traveling. It could be when you drive down the highway, stand in the rain, knit, make music, play a sport, etc. There are so many passions out there in this world that some people find it hard to discover one sometimes. Many people are cranking away at their professions to support a family or reach their life goals, and that is perfectly okay! Passions can change over time and develop into new ones, so do not feel upset if you haven't found yours yet.
In this thing called life, it can get complicated. Take time to believe in yourself and learn more about who you are. I am still learning new things about me every day, and I will be until the day I die. My euphoric moments and passions are unique to my individual, and yours will be as well. When you do experience one of those special moments, you will most definitely know. Try to learn from it and live your every day like that moment as much as you can. If you try this, you will be able to discover a sense of self, be overall happier, and live your life to the fullest.
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